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My Story with Eros

Since I was a little girl, I struggled with Eros. The Greeks know Eros, or Cupid, as romantic love or erotic love. Son of Aphrodite. Lover of Psyche.

I remember my first experience, at 5 or 6 years old, witnessing Eros outside of my family dynamics. I began crying because I was overwhelmed by its intensity. My tiny body could not hold the tension I was feeling. It didn’t have anything to do with me, yet through simply witnessing my kindergarten teachers interact that fateful afternoon in the computer lab, I was engulfed by the immensity of its power.

Eros carries a strong magnetism, a cosmic attraction. It is a sizeable forcefield of electricity. Eros is a form of Love, it is the very initiatory energy that draws us into relation.

Eros is also incredibly wild, and very messy. We all heard that Love makes us do crazy, stupid things. We lose ourselves in Love. We lose our inner anchor when we are taken by Eros. And it is perfectly normal. It is the wildish, unruly energy within all of us.

For most of us that has been brought up with a neat regime, an organized routine, a controlled way of life, Eros can be wildly intimidating. Its unpredictable, hasty, unrestrainable nature and emotional tensions can be extremely unsettling and confusing. It brings up both a dizzy excitement and also unnerving anxiety.

So sometimes, we push Eros down because it is all too much to hold. We suppress our desires. We turn away from these parts of ourselves. We shame ourselves for our innocent expressions of Love. Of desire, or reaching out. Of seeking union within the Other. We reprimand ourselves, “Let’s never do that again.” And we close the doors to our hearts, and toss the key.

And then we may cruise in the comforts of emotional neutrality. Of peace, calm, easefulness. We may settle for being alone. We may make do in a very safe dynamic within our relationships. We may shy away from any inkling of romance. And we may feel very happy here!

Until Eros knocks the door of our heart, from the inside. Wanting attention, wanting expression. Wanting to breathe…

This comes most spontaneously. A passage from a book. A poem. The chords or lyrics of a song. A whiff of a scent that reminds us of when we were madly in love. To be lost in the eyes of another. A touch, a hold, a hug. It doesn’t come with warning, it catches us off-guard.

Here we are, again, at a fork in the road. We are presented a new opportunity… do we open our hearts and let Eros fly, or do we snuff it out once more?

How many times can we ignore the call of eros before our bodies collapse, holding this much charged energy and electricity, suppressed internally?

For me, this showed up as my friend, Anxiety. Of course I played safe. Of course I chose comfort. Of course I chose control, even if it’s imaginary. When we grew up in households whereby love is withheld and conditional, there is a huge need within ourselves to seek out safety and security in our relationships. And I created this experience, in many areas of my life. In work, friendships, environments and my romantic relationship. Whereby I know that I am safe. I am secure. I am okay.

Unbeknownst to me, what this does is that it closes me off to a huge wellspring of potential of who I can be. What life holds. The fullness of living, of being alive. All that being human has to offer. And being human really does offer, SO much!

The parts of us that we ignore, they don’t disappear. They lurk in the dark, shadowy crevices within ourselves, our soma, until it becomes intolerable for them and for us. They begin to ask for presence. Softly at first, and the more we ignore, the louder their voices grow. These voices of the wild, of our wild.

During my pilgrimage to the Lands of Avalon and Lemuria, did they come!! Over and over again, each time I was in wild nature, they came. Reminding me of my own wildness, packed away really neatly in storage.

Eventually I knew I had to take action, and I did. To say it wasn’t easy is a huge understatement. It feels like flipping my entire (psychic) home upside-down. Even though I titrated as gently as I could, it is not easy to surrender completely to the wild unknown.

The power of Eros is intense.

Which brings me to the exploration of Eros, this energy that’s been bubbling within me all my life, within us all. We are Eros. Eros is us.

Eros is the binding power of allurement that holds the universe together. It is the force of eros that brings things together, that magnetizes, that unites. The denial of eros pulls things apart. It pulls apart the parts of ourselves. To embrace eros is to have the capacity, strength, and courage to surrender. To trust and be able to flow with the wild nature of our instinctual, biological, and emotional body.

Eros comes from within us. It is not dependent on connection with another. Although it can be evoked by our connection with another. Ultimately, our being comes from wholeness. And seeks to return to wholeness. That is its natural way. Our desires point us back to wholeness. That which we are drawn to within another, is that which within ourselves is yearning to come to life, to be seen, touched, and known.

Tako-pa Turner, in her book Belonging, said that “Eros is the desire to connect with life, to relate to one another, and to share and feel our closeness.” I cannot agree more!

So this Virgo season, the season of the maiden, the wise one, according to The Cosmic Laundry, the highest expression of a Virgo is not a Type A perfectionist, but truly a well-f^cked woman, charismatic, confident in her sexuality, embodied. The woman who is devoted to her path of Truth, a sovereign Goddess.

To close out Virgo season together, this is a call to you if you feel ready to open your heart and let Eros love what it loves. To create, to co-create with life and spirit. To enter the untamed, virgin forest of your unknown. To meet the other side of your feminine. The darker, wilder, messier parts. The parts left undone.

Through these Twelve days, we will walk the path of the Magdalene. Of truth, of sacred sensuality. Of gnostic wisdom.

Each day, we step across a doorway to meet the different expressions of Eros. Twelve portals, twelve ways to know ourselves in Love. This is indefinite of course, but it’s a start. An initiation to reclaim Lilith. Where our raw power, shiniest treasures and gifts, and immense potential lies, within ourselves.

We learn to experience Life as a love-making ceremony. A beautiful process of sacred union. We learn to regard our bodies as temples of Love. We learn to See ourselves as Altars of the Divine, the Sacred.

We begin to Become Eros. Instead of feeling intimidated, helpless to its force, we integrate Eros, and let it breathe through our expression, our being-ness, as we move within the world and all our relations.

We remember our innate magnetism. Our creative power. Our access to infinite abundance and wealth. We pull forth all that has been pushed down from fear and distortion. We embrace our sexuality. Our humanness. Our wild nature.

If you feel that familiar knocking within your heart, reach out, and we will walk this path together.

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