(written Aug 24, 2023)
WHAT. A. JOURNEY!!
This past month being held in the lands of Avalon has been nothing short of magical, mystical and miraculous. The journey in itself truly felt like being carried and flown on the gentlest magic carpet ride.
I had the softest landing in London, my previous home, to allow for my body’s circadian rhythm to harmonize with the Chronos of the lands of England. I had spent most of my days being romanced by the most luscious roses with the richest shades of their moist velvety petals. I had probably visited every park and garden within the city of London!
It felt like a sweet return, from when I was living in London 10 years ago, not knowing quite where my place was in the world, and also what it meant to be transitioning into adulthood. Returning this time, with a little more surety in my self-knowing, there was really something to this reunion. I still am learning about my place and service, each day allowing and witnessing my life as an offering to Source, God, Creation. Each day learning and re-learning new ways of leaning into trust and surrender in this beautiful unfolding of the tapestry that is Life.
Even though it was my first time physically landing in Glastonbury in this body, this lifetime, there was an unshakeable knowing, “I HAVE been here before!!!! Many, many times!!”
It is the most eccentric, beautiful, unusual, whimsical and magical, yet gentle town! The high street is lined with magic shops of sound healing, aromatherapy, books, crystals, tarot and oracle cards, witchcraft, fairies, and the occult (including broomsticks!!!), the most beautiful trinkets and ornaments. Folks on the street varied, from regular dress to full-out Gandalf and forest witch vibes. Conversations around speaking to trees and third eye insights and spirituality. I felt right at home. I wondered quietly if this place here may be where the ones who ever felt out of place, strange, or a sense of misplacement, when growing up, and slowly having come into their own, finally found their tribe, community, coven, here in Avalon. Of course, this is me projecting my own experience, but I felt completely, immediately, taken, by the spirit of the land. Nowhere else (yet!!) have I witnessed groups of people (Druids?? Pagans??) meditating in the town square, a whole group of men and women listening to trees, walking around with staffs and cloaks. What a dream!!!! Obviously I felt myself dissolving and melting into a puddle of joy as I pranced down the High Street that fateful Wednesday morning. Dramatic as it sounds, I think my life has forever changed, because I now know that this secret trinket box in the form of a town called Glastonbury exists!
Unbelievable miracles and synchronicities revealed through my days in Avalon. From being led to Avalon through Mary Magdalene, who is a dear teacher and guide for me, coming through the medicine of Cacao, encouraged by my friend Celeste (The Inside Job), I found myself on this pilgrimage in Avalon with Celeste (completely spontaneously on her part), guided by the most grounded wisdom-keeper, earth guardian and grid-worker Shamir (also Singaporean!) and we had arrived on Singapore’s solar return, National Day!
On the first day over dinner, I was excitedly sharing with Celeste my deep love for astrology and the transmission with my Cosmic guide, Ayesha of Oath Oracle. Who do I meet right after dinner at the peak of the Glastonbury Tor, but Ayesha herself!! Of all beings, of all places, in all the lands, my Cosmic Whisperer, who initiated me into this whole universe of Astrology, was settled right next to Celeste and I to bathe in the sunset. One just cannot plan for these occurrences… ah, Divine Mystery.
On the final day as I was bidding goodbye to the various sites, at the White Springs, I literally bumped into Matias De Stefano, of Gaia TV series ‘Initiation’, which was my opening into the different Star races, dimensions and ancient lands of Atlantis and Lemuria back in 2020.
The journey continued with surprises of one synchronicity after another, and I let myself be fully and wholly delighted with each one. What an experience!
While Glastonbury is the physical location, Avalon is said to be in a different dimension, whose mists part, when one enters this state of consciousness. Although mainly in Glastonbury, Avalon extends far beyond. Avalon also means apples, and for me the symbology of apples is that of truth and knowledge. In the song, ‘Avalon of the Heart,’ Van Morrison referenced the enchanted veil of Avalon, which symbolized how one has to discover the hidden truths of life by finding one’s way through this veil.
Truth has always been my number one virtue in my life. To learn the truth, to seek out truth, to speak truthfully, to live truthfully, and to Be Truth. My personal work has always been to summon more and more courage to continue walking this path of Truth. In some seasons, I emerge beaten and battered, left lying in bed in despair, for weeks at a time. In other seasons, I am celebrating and feeling like a winner in life with immense gratitude, joy and exuberance. It has been uneasy and through the process, I continue meeting my demons, and am humble to the knowing that this ‘work’ is never fully done and never will be. Carl Jung named this process “Individualization.”
So what I learnt is to have fun walking this labyrinth of life, to not take myself too seriously (still trying!!). To befriend the demons and monsters within myself, get to know them and hear their stories, to learn to love and accept them, and integrate them, at my own pace and readiness. This is not a process to be over-and-done with or to be rushed through.
This journey with Lady Avalon has been yet another huge reckoning for me. This time, about my seven-year relationship with my beloved, whom I love so deeply and she does, me. Acknowledging that this relationship was my first safe relational home, at the age of 25. The first space that I got to exist within a safe container, with respectful boundaries and the willingness to meet at the emotional depths and understanding. I’ve never felt so ‘allowed’ in my life to simply, Be.
As well-meaning as my parents were, growing up was honestly terrifying, and my nervous system never knew regulation. Home was a scary place, so instead school was my safe place. Yet at school, teachers were not necessarily trauma-informed so again, I learnt to not express, and instead to be quiet and good. In this relationship with my partner though, I slowly learnt to unwind these physical and psychological braces and armory that had strengthened over two decades of being a frightened mouse. I learnt who I can be, when I’m not scared all the time. I learnt how beautiful love can be. I learnt many, many flavours of Love, with my partner.
And yet. As Celeste, Shamir and I were wandering off the beaten trail into the wild unknowns, out of nowhere, anxiety took over. My body started tremoring and breath became short. Instantly, in the wide open mountains, I felt claustrophobic. The cognitive part of me could not be more confused. What was going on?! And I knew. I knew that the wilderness around me was the very wildness I was suppressing and denying within myself. My True Nature. Wild Nature. I grew up in an extremely clean, spotless, sanitized, controlled routine with a schedule timetable-d to the hour. There was no room for the unknown or the wild. It dawned on me that this was exactly taking place again in my relationship, because I had co-constructed it this way, the only way I knew to exist. To feel safe, I didn’t make room for wild chaos. My safe, gentle, loving relationship was the very thing that was keeping this part of me tightly bound and suffocated.
It then registered that all this while, the past years, anxiety had been creeping up time and time again to be seen, expressed and integrated. Instead, what I did was to construct my life so that I needn’t meet with circumstances which brought anxiety up. My world got smaller and smaller, of course. I stopped attending concerts. Cancelled Uber/Grab rides if the car arrived and it had a tiny window. Could only fly with the front row and aisle seat. Avoided public transportation. My options of what I could do and where I could go continued to decrease. I was avoiding many facets of life that may bring up anxiety. I was running away from meeting with these parts of myself.
In that instant, I allowed. Mostly because I knew I was safely held by Shamir and Celeste. Also, the usual autopilot, of escaping, was really far away. We had walked for a long time from the constructed path and I knew I would not be able to make it back before I completely lost it.
Release occurred. Slowly. Gradually. Increasingly. Angrily (I didn’t know I had this much anger). Despairingly. Acceptingly. Ragefully. I met her, my Wild Woman. The one I read about in Clarissa Pinkola Estés’s ‘Women who Run with the Wolves.’ Her. Lilith. Sekhmet. Kali. Hecate. Persephone. The Dark Goddess. Black Madonna. Dark Sophia. I met her, within me. Even if only a glimpse. For a moment. It was an infinite moment. I was grateful. For massively safe space-holding and for Avalon’s gentle energy that had allowed this release, in a way I’ve never experienced, nor met within myself before.
My prayer… is that I never lose her. I continue to let her breathe in the light, instead of suffocated in the shadow. I knew something had to shift in my relationship, I just didn’t know how! Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, my partner was able to hold a truthful conversation with me discussing options of how we can shift the way we both show up in this relationship. to make room for both our wild women to emerge. Slowly, gently (hopefully!). This process is ongoing and I too am witnessing the unfolding of us.
This is probably the most naked, truthful share I’ve expressed through these emails, so if you’re still here reading, thank YOU for receiving me, and my story of Avalon.
Which now brings us to a big, exciting call…Your turn to co-create and live through your Avalonian story.
This is a magic seed that I am planting in your hearts and psyches. Nothing is confirmed, details are still formless, however, meet the Spirit of this sacred offering that is making my human tremble with excitement as I am typing this.
Avalonian Dreamtime
Retreat into the Avalon of Your Heart
Next Lion’s Gate Portal, 8 August 2024, 888, I will be returning to the Lands of Avalon, and I am inviting you to come with me on your Avalonian Pilgrimage!
Through this retreat, we will:
- Immerse in the stories, myths and legends of Avalon, Camelot, the Essenes, the Initiates of Isis, including Anna, Grandmother of Jesus, Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, Yeshua, and Joseph of Arimathea
- Receive transmissions from the various lands and ancient sites of Avalon
- Cacao Ceremonies and Sound Journeys
- Somatic Dance-Movement and Expressive Arts
- Acasma Quantum Energy Activation and Light Language Transmission
- Last but not least, woven through the entire pilgrimage: Dreamtime, where the mists part and Avalon emerges to us.
My prayer is that we depart the physical land with:
- The embodiment and consciousness of Avalon that we carry as we step forth in the world after our pilgrimage together
- A continuous unfolding of our deep remembrance of our I AM
- Learning new ways of falling deeply, madly in love with ourselves, our Bodies, the Other, and Life
- A discovery of the deeper, un-met, wild dimensions of ourselves
- Allowing Lady Avalon, the Spirit of the Land to unveil to us our Highest Truth and Deepest Wisdom
The Dreaming is an altered state of consciousness, the liminal space, the fourth state, samadhi. We meet with images and symbols, we receive downloads of truth and knowing. We remember. Over and over again, we remember. Who we are. Why our souls chose to be here. How we may serve. To create and live our most abundant, radiant, joyful, pleasurable and meaningful lives.
Nothing is concrete except that Avalonian Dreamtime is most definitely happening across 8/8/2024. If this speaks to you, please reach out and I’ll share more as the spirit of the Dreaming drops in more of how this pilgrimage takes form.
In the meantime, if you are interested, I highly encourage a gentle initiation through the transmissions of The Lost Lands by Lucy Cavendish and The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley.
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